sobre vivire

Today was my very last day of school...
All that's left is an internship and the finals.

So I guess it's time for me to grow up, to live in the real world...
And it scares me...
It truly does.

Jamie says it's not scary, just a big change...
Who says I'm ready for those changes?
Who says I'm good enough for the real world?

Being a student is easy.
Yes, you go crazy with every mid term or with the finals...
But still, being a student is safe.
And I'm not quite sure if I know how to be that kind of brave.

it's always a good day!

It really is a good time to be me.

I had good grades.
I just had a meeting with an employee of the city counsel and I've got myself an internship there.
And I really feel good about myself.

I don't know what it's like for boys (or men), but I know a thing or two about girls.
Big shocker, I know.

I know for instance that a lot of us girls try to mirror ourselves to cover models.
A lot of us try to be them, want to be them, look like them.
And I think that's wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I used to be one of those girls.
Never good enough.
I still don't think I'm perfect, but now I'm happy with how I look (most of the time), and I believe people should take me for who I am.

A couple of years back, I had this boyfriend who told me I was beautiful.
Deep down I never believed him, back then.
'Cause how could he think I was beautiful, when I myself didn't think I was?
I used to send him quite a lot of pictures, trying to make him say it again, that I was beautiful.
I thought that maybe if he said it enough, I'd believe it too.

Now I believe him.
(Thank you, Jamie.)
And no, I still don't look like a cover model.
But I've got no need for that either.

"If you want to change the world, start with yourself."
I started with myself, now it's up to the rest of the world to do the same.

xoxo.

Words you couldn't say

E.
I didn't know you.
But many people did and they're going to miss you.

Yet another girl chose to stop breathing...
Although, you can't really say it's a choice when you're not seeing any way out anymore...

"The World Health Organisation estimates that each year approximately one million people die from suicide, which represents a global mortality rate of 16 people per 100,000 or one death every 40 seconds. It is predicted that by 2020 the rate of death will increase to one every 20 seconds."

One year is  31 556 926 seconds.
So that's 1 577 846 people who commit suicide every year (for now, sadly).
1 577 846 people who can't find their way back.

90% of suicides worldwide are cause by some kind of mental illness.
And befor you go all Hannibal Lecter on my ass, depression is considered a mental illness too.

NHS says that there are several factors who determine how vulnerable one is to suicidal thinking or behaviour: life history, mental health, lifestyle, employment, relationships and genetics and family history.


These factors don't have to lead to suicide, but when they do it's never just one single cause.
And stressful events will most likely push you over the edge.

Some people dare say those problems are all between your ears. I say they've never been low enough to know it's not like that at all.

Of course there's much more to this topic, but I really wanted to put it in the spotlight.


In memoriam of all suicide victims.
May their families find a way to move on, but never to forget.

Three Days Grace - Never Too Late

Fields of Gold

First blog of the year.

So I was planning on ending the year in gold.
Or at least with a song about fields of gold.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, the one and only: Sting.

 But with midterms and all, I have to admit I kinda forgot.
Sorry about that...
It's the end of January by now.
A very happy new year to all of you, by the way.
I hope you all made resolutions you're happy with.

I know I did.
I plan on:
- go out more. no explanation necessary.
- getting a boyfriend. It's been almost two years and I'm getting sick of it. No, I'm not going to hunt the boys down. If it's meant to be, He'll show up. In the mean time, I'm going to enjoy my time with the ones I do meet.
- seeing trough to go train 3 times a week.
*look at that, she's one of those anorexic bitches who are never content with their body*
No, I'm not. Not even by far. I'm perfectly content with how I look. Just want to ante up my endurance in running amongst other things. Hopefully I can start horseback riding again soon as well.
-an as for now: finish editing 'Sakura'. Someone's asked me to review and edit her book. I'm almost halfway now, and I love the story. I really like editing as well... Either way, if she'd ever put the story online, I'll be sure to post the link here, on my blog.

School's starting again on Monday, so I'm gonna go enjoy my weekend. Hope you guys do too!!!

Xoxo.

Hot 'n cold

"Cause you're hot, then you're cold..."

Katy Perry says a lot with those few words.

Sometimes you're hot, in every possible way.
Hot as in hot. No Explanation necessary I believe.
And then hot as in warm, sweet, funny, caring, ...

Then comes cold.
Short answers, no answers, keeping me out, as if I'm a burden you have to get rid of.

And you switch all the time. One day it's hot, the day after you might act cold as ice.
I never know what to expect anymore.

Sometimes I believe you think you bear the weight of the world on your shoulders,
nothing's going right...

What did I do wrong?
All I want to do is take some of that weight off of you, maybe even all of it, just to see you happy.
But you never let me, always shutting me out when it get's serious.

I don't know how to get through to you.
But I promise you, whether you want it or not, whether you believe it or not...
I'm not going to let you fall.
Never going to let you fall.

Maybe it's time for me to fight.
For real this time.

Approximately calculation is shows off 2 320 644 660 people are single in our world.
We're not going to be one of them for the rest of our lives.

Dream catchers and nightmares

Sir Peter Ustinov once said: "Unfortunately, a superabundance of dreams is paid for by a growing potential for nightmares." 

What are nightmares?
Why do we have them?
Do they tell us something about ourselves?
Do dream catchers really keep them at bay?

So what is a nightmare?

Nightmare is the fifth studio album by American heavy metal band Avenged Sevenfold, released on July 27, 2010 through Warner Bros. Records.

 Okay, that a joke.
It's not that kind of nightmare I'm talking about.
But you knew that already, didn't you?



I've had these nightmares for months now.
Every night, always new ones.
Always waking up with my heart racing, beating so hard it feels like it's going to pop out of my chest.
Never able to close my eyes again afterwards.

Getting murdered, getting assaulted, getting raped, being held captive, being beaten up, being chased (not in a good way)... It keeps on going and it never stops.

My dad used to make this little joke when I was little...
"What mares?" He always asked. I used to think it was funny...
Now I don't think it's funny anymore. I love horses. I hate the nightmares.

Maybe I don't hate the nightmares,
but I do hate how they make me feel.
Scared, small and alone.
Sometimes I think it would be better
if I wouldn't be alone at night.
But it's not like we live in a fairy tail, is it?
I can't wish for someone by my side.
Someone to be there for me, to calm me down,
to keep the nightmares away...
'Cause the dream catcher on my wall doesn't seem to help.

Yo Ho! A student's life for me

"The time you spend being a college student is the best time of your life."

At last that's what all grown ups say.
No, I don't consider myself being a grown up.
Not really. Not yet.

I'm a student.
I don't get drunk all the time, but I like to go to a party once in a while.
I live for my friends and music.
(Currently playing)
I blend in quite well I guess.
I don't stick out that much I guess.
Occasinally I'm the one sitting in the reading area of the school library.
Music plugged in, reading an actual book, not a magazine or comics.
Okay, maybe I'm quite a bit geeky rather than an average college student sometimes...

About a month ago I gratuated. Major: Psychology.
Things I planned to do/have after I got my diploma:
- Get a student job for a couple of weeks
- Maybe travel a bit
- Be in a steady relationship
- Start looking for an actual job
Things that actually happened:
- Went back to school and opted for a second major: Human Resources Management.

I'm one of the 224.947 students who registered this year.
I guess my subconscious missed the crappy classrooms, lousy communication and the horrible organising skills of college already after barely a week even though the first college education was quite hard on me. To top the already busy schedule off I registered for an extra French class and I got back to horseback riding.

Life versus me: 1-0.
I must be plain crazy...
I've got my psychology degree.. should be able to tell if I am...
 Scared to face the real world or strong enough to face the nightmare again?